Joe's Top 5's - Movies You Will Only Watch Because They Are on This List!

#1. The Ruling Class – Peter O’Toole sings and dances as Jesus… and Jack the Ripper! This musical makes Rocky Horror Picture Show look like a Disney film. Find out why we fled British rule. Probably the anti-Lawrence of Arabia.









#2. Ciao! Manhattan – Before there was Factory Girl, there was Ciao! Manhattan! Edie Sedgwick plays herself in this manic montage of heroin induced insanity. Try to keep up. Not even the actor’s have any idea what this movie is about, but it’s a fun ride.








#3. La bete humaine (The Human Beast) – Jean Gabin learned how to drive a train and Jean Renoir almost killed his son making this movie! Simone Simon will make you want to jump on the screen and kill her husband for her! A love triangle between a man, a woman, and a train!








#4. Eternal Return – Jean Cocteau has several beautiful movies in his canon, but this plot is as beautiful as they get. Jean Marais will prove himself as one of the greatest leading men in romantic drama history. The best Tristan and Isolde version ever made.








#5. Andrei Rublev – If you’re going to watch a three hour Russian film, make it one by Andrei Tarkovsky. And if you have to watch Tarkovsky, watch this. And then go track down this guy’s paintings. They might actually make you buy into the whole Christianity thing. Some greater inspiration certainly guided his hand.

Joe's Top 5's - Max Ophuls

#1. The Earrings of Madame de… – Ophuls showcases story in this delicate dance of formality. You have never seen a piece of jewelry mean so many things to so many people, let alone two pieces. Danielle Darrieux makes you wonder how any husband could be bored with those eyes. But Vittorio de Sica is quick to remind him how tempting they are. Watch the opening scene for the subtlety of Opulsian genius.






#2. Letter From an Unknown Woman – Joan Fontaine shows why she is as talented as, if not more than, her more-well-known sister. She goes from an adoring teen rug cleaner to secret-keeping well-to-do aristocrat wife. And you will never doubt a second of it. Louis Jourdan incites the gamut of emotions as the object of her affections. Will he live up to the image she has fashioned for him?

#3. La Ronde – Watch the movie and you won’t need a translation of this title. It’s a small world all right! Find out in 95 minutes just how small. Simone Signoret would almost make me pay for sex. However, it’s the best argument for safe sex ever filmed. This should be shown to kids in high school in lieu of lesser sex-ed films. Oh, yeah, and it’s hysterical!

#4. Le plaisir (Pleasure) – Three stories of the things that drive us. Watch the ultimate use of one camera as we enter the dance hall. But just you wait for the brothel sequence! How did he do it? The man shows his talents thoroughly in this gem.

#5. Caught – James Mason fights Robert Ryan for Barbara Bel Geddes! Who will make her theirs? Who will raise the child? Who has any right to own this woman? Why did Jimmy Stewart leave this woman for Kim Novak in Vertigo? The look on Barbara’s face at the dubious ending of this melodrama will haunt you.

Joe's Top 5's - French Movies (other than Breathless)

#1. Rules of the Game (La regle du jeu) – Jean Renoir shows just how to live up to your famous name… Make your own undeniable work of art. Everything that Altman attempts to do, and fails to accomplish, in Gosford Park, Renoir perfects. Everyone is the star of the ensemble drama that sets the bar. Renoir even turns in a comic performance that steals the show.





#2. Contempt (Le mepris) – Godard. Bardot. ‘Nuff said. Except that it also has Jack Palance as what can only be described as the George W. Bush of movie producers. Or is that redundant? And Fritz Lang playing Fritz Lang. Oh, yeah, did I mention Brigitte Bardot?

#3. Children of Paradise (Les enfants du paradis) – Marcel Carne directs the French Gone With the Wind. Although it’s in two parts, be prepared to scramble to put the second part in your DVD player as soon as the first ends. This movie was not filmed in black and white. It’s filmed in black and silver. And it was shot during the German occupation during World War II, literally underground. Remember this when watching the scenes with hundreds of extras. You will never notice that some of them are wearing paper costumes.

#4. Happiness (Le bonheur) – Agnes Varda changed the way film was processed in this movie. It’s almost like watching a movie filmed on stained glass. The family in the film is played by an actual real-life family. Oh, yeah and the plot’s not too shabby either.

#5. Girl on the Bridge (La fille sur le pont) – Vanessa Paradis. There’s a reason Johnny Depp lives in France. And it’s not the fries. Filmed in black and white, this fantastic story of two kindred souls finding the truth in themselves while surviving the world of traveling circus knife throwers.

Joe's Top 5's - Cary Grant

#1. To Catch a Thief – The only thing Cary Grant needs to make a movie is a beautiful woman. There has never been a more beautiful woman than Grace Kelly. End of Sentence. The two prettiest people in history brought together by the greatest director. Hitchcock helms this fun journey over the rooftops of the French Riveria. Hitch uses the first helicopter shot in film for a car chase! Cary proves he is the greatest when he turns down Grace Kelly… more than once! There may never be a better reason to emulate this superman.





#2. Bringing Up Baby – The first thing to love about Cary Grant is comedy. He is never funnier than when he runs from Katherine Hepburn, or her leopard. Except when he chases her, or her leopard. The scene in the restaurant puts cherry the top of this screwball comedy, or at least the olive in its martini…








#3. Father Goose – One of his last movies, the studios finally allowed him to play against type. And it pays off. His drunken back and forth with Trevor Howard over the radio is only matched by his slap swap with Leslie Caron. The only performance that beats his in this movie is the snake’s…

#4. Suspicion – How can Cary Grant possibly make Joan Fontaine afraid to kiss him? Just watch. Although the original ending may have made this film perfect, it’s pretty close as it is.

#5. The Philadelphia Story – Okay, so Jimmy Stewart got an Oscar for his performance in this, and Katharine Hepburn has two other guys between her and Cary, but after watching the opening scene, is there any doubt as to how cool he has to be to get the girl in the end. The Webster’s definition of smooth has a picture of C. K. Dexter Haven.

Joe's Top 5's - Film Noir

#1. The Asphalt Jungle – John Huston created the quintessential film noir. The underworld provides the backdrop for a heist gone wrong, corrupt business, the ultimate moll (in the form of Marilyn Monroe), and a farm? Sterling Hayden proves he owns this genre as the only anti-hero. And Jean Hagen as Doll provides the only woman that could make you forget that Marilyn Monroe was in the previous scene.





#2. Thieves’ Highway – It’s official: I hate Lee J. Cobb! It won’t take you two minutes to agree with me. Pay attention to the composition of the apples-rolling-down-the-hill shot. Beautiful. Four words about Valentina Cortese: Soft hands… Sharp nails. Yet another reason the blacklist was blasphemy, Jules Dassin rocks!








#3. Deadly Is the Female (re-named Gun Crazy) – Bonnie and Clyde without the slo-mo bloody gunfights. A fun romp as these two fight the law and each other. The bank robbery shot from the car is inspired filmmaking. One shot. One take










#4. Port of Shadows (Le quai des brumes) – The two French critics Borde and Chaumeton coined the phrase flim noir to describe American films from 1941-1953, so it seems only natural to have the French open and close something only they could coin. Marcel Carne quite arguably defined the genre with this masterpiece starring Jean Gabin. This has all the earmarks of the ideal with a bad guy hero and his damsel/moll in distress. But the other bad guys just won’t let him go good. And the best part is the see-through trench coat…





#5. Hands Off the Loot (Touchez pas au grisbi) – Jacques Becker closes the genre with the anti-film-noir. Jean Gabin embodies the death of noir as the aging thief who has just pulled off the final heist of his career. We don’t see the heist and the majority of this film is focused on the normal living aspects of people living abnormal lives. Ten minutes devoted to brushing teeth and putting on pyjamas! Never has a genre been killed so entirely, and yet so lovingly, by one film. Gabin closes the door he opened sixteen years earlier with a performance that will leave you wanting more, but there is no more. No more film noir.

Joe's Top 5's - Samurai Movies

#1. Kill! – Kihachi Okamoto directs what must be the greatest buddy-action movie ever. Lethal Weapon comes across as a shameless reimagining of this comic masterpiece. The two main characters may be greatest couple in the genre, but even the supporting cast has moments of brilliance and impressive sub-plot. The madam’s storyline keeps everyone important in this film. Oh, yeah… and the swordplay is intense!

#2. Hara Kiri – Masaki Kobayashi shows us the anti-Samurai movie, in this ingenious drama about the honorable death of seppuku. The action may not be as abundant as you are used to in this genre, but quality more than makes up for quantity in this sharp, never-ending twist of a story. Be sure to pay attention to the beginning and the end to understand the historical significance.

#3. Samurai Assassin – Another true story(?) that only makes me want to pick up a Japanese history text book. Deftly weaving plot with action, Okamoto spins this yarn of a man trying to make something of himself in a world against him. Watch him win?

#4. Samurai III (Duel on Ganryu Island) – The final episode in the epic trilogy of one of Japan’s greatest folk heroes, Miyamoto Musashi, has the greatest sword fight in samurai movie history. But pay attention to the sword MM wields against his greatest adversary in his last battle or you may miss it…

#5. Samurai II (Duel at Ichijoji Temple) – The second part of Hiroshi Inagaki’s Historical Masterpiece is the action packed third you would expect from a properly paced trilogy. Swords flash across the screen as one of the greatest escapes in film is perpetrated by Miyamoto Musashi.